Saving Grace (Loving Meadows Book 1) Read online

  “Bad case yesterday,” I answered. I was ok attributing my silence to the case rather than the woman I couldn’t get out of my head. “Closed it, but it wasn’t a pretty one.”

  “I am so proud of you, Soy, but God, I can’t help but be afraid of the things you’ve seen.”

  I didn’t share with her a lot of the details of my cases, but she was well aware that most of my cases dealt with trafficking, and that most of those trafficking cases dealt with juveniles. Definitely a personality killer. I could have gone to school to be a teacher like our older brothers, or really anything else, but criminology and forensics always interested me, and I always thought that some people need bigger voices speaking for them.

  “It’s not always pretty, no, but sometimes it’s rewarding.” Like when we found a fourteen year old runaway who ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or when a kidnapped teen was found, unharmed. Those were good days.

  “And you’re not on call, right?” She shook her head. “Of course you’re not. You couldn’t be on call, but come out to San Diego. I’m sure you’re looking forward to the quiet. Well, not full quiet.” She grinned over at me. “Brandon can be a bit loud these days. He hasn’t quite embraced his ‘inside voice’ yet.”

  I chuckled. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

  “Grace is staying for dinner...”

  I groaned at my sister’s sing-song tone. “Sydney…” I knew I needed to mend the wrongs I made with Grace, but I wasn’t entirely sure how. I needed a little bit of time to figure that out.

  “I don’t understand why you two don’t give it a shot! You are so freaking cute together, Soy!”

  “We live in—”

  “Two different states. Yeah. I heard you,” Sydney interrupted. “But that’s minor!”

  Grinning, I shook my head, looking out the passenger window as she pulled into the subdivision she and Cael lived in. The lots were huge so it didn’t truly feel like a subdivision, not like the one we grew up in, but this large area of land with multiple houses on it had a name and was therefore considered a subdivision.

  “Addresses can change,” she finally said after a moment of silence. That was my sister, always getting the last word in when it came to us siblings. She pulled into the drive of her house and I waited for her to pull into the garage to unbuckle my belt, forcing my attention away from the Mazda-3 that sat on the road. Caleb’s truck was in the garage and after it gave me a momentary pause, I realized he probably car-pooled with his brother or someone else on the team to the arena prior to their away trip.

  I knew Grace was going to be here. I knew she was watching the kids and Sydney hadn’t exactly been quiet about the fact Grace was around. Why seeing her car at the house had me all sorts of nervous, I didn’t have a fucking clue.

  Not giving my sister an answer, or not an answer she’d be happy with, I got out of the SUV to retrieve my bags. Being away from home would be good for my conscious. Being in the presence of my own blonde-haired angel? I couldn’t decide if that was going to be a blessing or a curse.

  Grace

  I successfully had both boys down for a nap in their room and was lounging on the couch with a sleeping Brielle on my chest when I saw Sydney’s Explorer pull into the drive. Immediately my heart began racing. It was amazing that Bri didn’t wake up to the sudden rhythm change under her cheek.

  I took a deep breath.

  Sawyer’s here.

  I hadn’t spoken with him in a few months, after the whole Jeremy fiasco, not even when Bri was born. Oh, he passed me the baby, but the words that were exchanged were minimal.

  I don’t know what possessed me to have Sawyer meet Jeremy, but it sorely backfired. I pretty much lost a friend, and Jeremy was put off by the fact that one of my closest friends was a guy. For weeks after the two met, Jeremy kept bringing him up or making sure that Sawyer wasn’t going to be at the Prescott house when I was visiting. Trying to reassure him that Sawyer was just a friend became annoying after a while, but eventually Jeremy let it all drop.

  At the moment though, I wasn’t sure if I should put the baby down and meet Sydney and her brother, or just sit here and act like I didn’t notice they were back.

  The choice was taken from me when the door opened and the two walked into the mudroom. I could hear them talking and heard as Sawyer’s suitcase hit the tile, just as I heard when the suitcase began to roll toward the living room.

  I took another deep breath.

  I hadn’t seen Sawyer in so long that this odd fluttering in my stomach had me slightly off-kilter. Six weeks to go without any contact, three months without speaking or even texting, was a stretch for us, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

  When I first met him five years prior, I’d been drawn to Sawyer’s easy smile. He had such an open personality. He was easy to get along with, something that I didn’t often find with people. I was the type who was always worried about whether someone would think twice about a comment I made, or that they would be saying one thing to me when really they meant another, but I never felt that way with Sawyer.

  Being around him was just…

  Easy.

  I stepped into Sydney and Caleb’s backyard, hoping to find one of them in the masses.

  The place was decked out for their engagement party, with white table tents and white linens. Coral and blush pink balloons decorated the yard. There was a speaker system set up on the back deck of their beautiful home and people littered the yard.

  There were so many people.

  I was excited to be a part of this day, but the nerves fluttering through my stomach were overpowering the excitement.

  When I first met Caleb Prescott, it was on a cruise ship with many other women, “vying for his attention,” or so the plot stated. In reality, I had applied to be on the dating show on a complete whim, never imagining I’d be cast as one of the hopefuls.

  All of the girls were supermodel gorgeous—and then there was me, little Midwest blonde girl, Gracelyn Ann Dewey. I wasn’t entirely sure how I made the cut, but I was proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and accepting the cast-spot.

  Immediately, I could tell Caleb was a good guy, a guy any one of us girls would be lucky to date, but he was always slightly distant. Not completely there.

  And it was quickly revealed why.

  Sydney was this great girl with a great personality. When the two of them were together, you couldn’t help but notice they were ‘it’ for each other.

  When Sydney and I forged a friendship on the ship, I never would have thought it would continue on into ‘real life,’ but it did. And being able to be a part of this day, watching as Sydney and Caleb celebrated their engagement, was a true gift.

  But as excited as I was to be here with the two of them, it was the fact there were forty-plus other people in the yard that had my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

  I didn’t know anyone other than the celebrated pair.

  Sure, I recognized some of the men as teammates of Caleb’s, as well as his family, who I met on the show, but I didn’t have anyone in this yard to be “my person”. Someone I could stand by and essentially cling to, as juvenile as it sounded.

  Someone who could ground me.

  Being here was a bad idea.

  I carried my mediocre card to the gift table and decided I would find Sydney and Caleb, congratulate them, and be on my way. The further I stepped into the crowd and the music, the harder my heart beat. I could feel it swelling and could swear it skipped a few beats.

  I could feel my eyes start to burn as tears threatened. Good God, this shy panicky stuff would never feel any better.

  Just as I got to the table though, an arm reached around me to set down a poorly wrapped gift.

  “My sister’s going to kill me for being late,” the voice said. I could hear the slight chuckle behind the words. Without turning to see the owner of the voice, I was surprised at how the baritone voice eased some of the fluttering in my ch
est.

  The unknown never healed the anxiety.

  Forcing a smile on my face, I turned toward the voice and was struck by his familiarity.

  No, I never met this man before, but even without him stating ‘his sister,’ it was more than obvious who this man was. Standing easily six inches over my five-five self was Sydney’s replica. They had the same eyes, the same hair color, except on his shorter style, the red took more of a brassy brown tone.

  “Sawyer,” he said, offering his hand and a smile.

  His smile was wide yet not completely symmetrical. He had a crooked eye-tooth but if anything, it made him that more attractive, especially when surrounded by a five-o’clock shadow.

  “Grace,” I whispered, before clearing my throat and repeating my name in a louder voice.

  His smile stayed on his face and he lifted his offered hand again, bringing it to my attention. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Grace.”

  “Hey, Grace!” Sydney shouted and I wanted to reprimand her for being so loud with sleeping children around, but they were her kids who were sleeping. If she woke them, she could deal with their wrath.

  Thankfully though, baby Bri stayed sleeping.

  I stood and moved toward the mudroom, nearly there when my friend and her brother stepped through. My eyes brushed past Sydney for the briefest of moments, locking with Sawyer’s, before looking back at his sister.

  I had never felt nervous around Sawyer. Not from the first moment I met him; not even during the awkward baby passing when Bri was born.

  Yet for whatever reason, right now, I was.

  With Sydney’s beautiful red hair—even though paired with a makeup-less face and comfy gym attire—and Sawyer dressed impeccably in business casual clothes that fit him like a glove, I felt incredibly mediocre in my jeans and off-shoulder sweatshirt.

  “How’s my baby?” Sydney asked, walking right up to me and snatching my shield away from my chest. Now I didn’t have anything to do with my hands.

  I stuck them in my pockets and looked around, trying to find something to say, but words wouldn’t come.

  “Hey, Grace.”

  And just like that, his voice had the power to calm everything inside me.

  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I was still unsure of damn near everything where he was concerned, but the anxiety started to melt away.

  I offered him a small smile. “Hey, stranger.”

  If it were a year ago, I would hug him. He’d hug me tight to him, lifting my feet off the ground, much like he did his sister. Right now though, we stood feet apart, one of us with her hands in her pockets and the other with a hand on his suitcase, and the other clenching and unclenching at his side.

  “I’m,” I started, before taking a deep breath. “I’m glad to see you,” I finished. I forced my eyes to lock with his, watching as his shifted between mine.

  He nodded and started to respond, but Sydney cut in. “Aren’t you two just a bunch of rosy roses. Where are my boys, Grace? Napping?”

  Thankful for the distraction, I turned and nodded. “Yeah. They went down right after you left.” I went to move past her, with the goal being to grab my keys in the kitchen and leave. “I’ll just head out now. Give you two time to catch up.”

  “No!” Sydney said, a little too quickly. “I mean, no. I thought maybe you would want to help take the boys down to see the seals and sea lions with Soy and me? Hang out down there.”

  Sydney really wasn’t sly with her matchmaking, and it made my face heat knowing there wasn’t any way Sawyer wasn’t missing this.

  “I don’t… I mean.” My nerves were getting the best of me as I stumbled with what I was trying to say.

  “Yeah. Come with,” Sawyer cut in, his eyes still fixed on mine. His face didn’t hold any answers for me, but it was in the tone of his words.

  I bit down on my lip, fidgeting in my spot. “I just…” I looked over my shoulder around the room before settling my gaze down to my feet.

  God, would the floor just open and swallow me whole now? Really. This was the longest, most awkward, conversation I had ever had. It felt long and drawn out and we had an audience in Sydney—who was now leaning in toward me.

  “Come with,” she whispered. Before I could think of a response, she was walking toward the staircase, no doubt going to her other kiddos upstairs. “You two play nice now.”

  Still stuck in my place, I watched as Sawyer left his suitcase and walked closer to me; so close I could feel the energy radiating off of him. Oh no. Oh God.

  Oh yes.

  He still smelled fantastic. The man had a fondness for Lacoste and if I had to take a guess, I’d bet he was wearing Blanc today. He used to wear Noir, but I gave him Blanc for Christmas one year.

  Again, I felt my face heat.

  I gave him Blanc one year and he hadn’t stopped wearing it. Or if he did, he purposely wore it today. Did he think he’d be seeing me? Did he want to see me? Did he wear the cologne for me?

  My heart was pounding in my chest again.

  Why couldn’t I just leave well enough alone? Why did I have to be so incredibly attracted to this man who didn’t want me for anything more than just friends?

  This uneven ground between us was so foreign, and I didn’t quite like it.

  The only way to fix it then, was to put on my big girl panties and spend time with this man who was once one of my closest friends.

  A man I could once confide in and never felt an iota of anxiety around.

  Could I push myself past my walls, past the anxieties, and find comfort in him once again? And if I did, if I did let him in and all went back to normal, what would happen when he left again? Because he would. He lived in Utah and I was here in California. Would he leave with the promise we were back to normal, that we would talk and chat and text off and on throughout the days, only to leave me sitting, waiting for a single message telling me he had a good day, a bad day, an ok day?

  “Out of your head, Gracie,” he said, his voice low and meant for my ears only. “It’s just me.”

  I swallowed and made myself raise my eyes to his.

  He looked tired and that made my heart hurt.

  “Please hang out with us today,” he added.

  Nervously, I pushed a flyaway behind my ear, thankful my hair was over my shoulder in a braid so I couldn’t fidget with it. “I know, I just,” I stumbled out, moving my eyes around the room, unable to keep them focused on his amber ones. “I’m sure you’ve had a busy week and you’re here to spend time with Sydney and you don’t need the added distraction of—”

  I wasn’t aware my hands were moving as I was speaking until Sawyer grabbed them, startling me, and causing me to stop the flow of words. My eyes firmly locked onto his now too.

  “You are not a distraction, Grace.” He stood there, standing over me with his callused hands holding my smaller ones, his gaze unwavering. “I am so fucking sorry for the distance I put between us, Grace,” he said quietly, as if he didn’t want his voice to travel up to the boys’ rooms where his sister was. “I will do whatever it takes to get my friend back.” His voice had me in a trance. He was saying words I wanted him to say and part of me wanted to believe they were just words—that he would say anything to get me to stay, to forget the awkwardness standing between us. That part of me wanted to call him a selfish bastard; his keeping me around this weekend would be for his own good. It would destroy me in the process.

  But the other part of me knew Sawyer.

  Knew that he wasn’t one to say something just to get the end result he wanted.

  We went six weeks without seeing one another, months without talking, and he wanted me to come with them—him?—today. I was so freaking confused by this man. He had plenty of opportunities to say something.

  But then again, so had I.

  I could have just as easily hidden behind my keyboard and sent him an email asking how he was, but I never did.

  ...Because I was afraid he wouldn’t answer. And that wo
uld have killed me far worse than simply not connecting with him in some way.

  He knuckled me under my chin, his tired eyes locked on mine, but his crooked smile was sort of there. I couldn’t see the misaligned eye-tooth, but he was almost smiling.

  And that made my heart happy.

  “Stop thinking, Grace,” he whispered. “We’ll talk.”

  Sawyer

  She was still so fucking breathtaking to me.

  She stood in front of me with worry in her beautiful blue eyes, questions rolling behind them. Even in her casual oversized, off the shoulder shirt, she was the most striking woman I had ever seen. And the way her jeans cupped her butt…

  Much more than the physical, Grace had always captured me with her sweetness. I knew that not talking to her for so long was going to cause some sort of stilt in our friendship. I had done enough reading up on high functioning anxiety after she told me her thoughts, to know that my staying away was going to cause all sorts of questions in her head.

  Questions she’d never ask.

  She was going to think that anything I said, anything I did, was going to have a double meaning. She was going to think the fuck out of everything I said or did, and that was all on me.

  All because I had been a jealous prick.

  But seriously, though. She had a life here, I had a career there. Us forging some sort of romantic entanglement simply wasn’t feasible. So why in the hell couldn’t I keep my mind off of her? Why couldn’t I stop myself from wanting

  more ?

  I missed the random three am texts from her. The silly emails that told me nothing other than she was doing ok, and that she was happy.

  I missed my friend.

  I may have come to San Diego with the intent of seeing my sister and her kids, to get away from Salt Lake City and everything that came with it, but Grace was definitely part of the pull. There was no sense denying it any longer, not while I stood here, taking her in.